How to Attract Long Term Relationships

Are you trying to engage in a relationship that's built to last? Are you tired of being used for sexual gratification because you are just "more than sex"? Are you looking for answers? Look no further because you've come to the right place.

I believe the best way to go about this is making a list of Dos and also a list of Don'ts.

Do:
-Act completely uninterested. This will begin a game of "hard to get," which is perfect for getting the attention you whore for. The other's confidence will be crushed and they will do anything to make you interested in hopes they regain their confidence.
-Play an instrument. This means you are good with your hands. AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. In case you don't know what it means, it pretty much means that you can give a mean handjob or fingering.
-Read a lot. If you needed the explanation I gave in the last bullet, you will DEFINITELY need to read more than the average person reading this. There is a general rule everyone should know. Intellects are for serious relationships, morons are for sex.
-Flirt with everyone, even those out of your league or age range. The more people you flirt with, the more desirable you look to onlookers. Flirting does not make you slutty, but fooling around does.
-If you don't have a cute voice, GET ONE. I have a cute voice that I use to get fucking everything I ever want. It's amazing what a tone of voice will do for you. Want something, but don't want to pay for it? After the flirting stage initiates, use your cute voice to talk about how much you want that new CD but "can't afford it." And that puppy you've been eying at the shelter? Consider it yours.
-Talk about yourself a lot. Talking about yourself gives a sense of confidence. There's nothing better than confidence to hook 'em. Confidence is sexy and you know it. No one wants a Negative Nancy or a Downer Donna.
-Listen to any obscure genre of music that isn't popular. People love it when you're deep and original. Act like you generally just don't give a fuck whether people like the bands you do or not. Following my example, listen to music that was kind of cool thirty years ago, but no one listens to anymore, so you are trendy, but not TOO trendy.

Now, there are a few things you also SHOULDN'T do or else you will blow all of your chances!

Don't:
-Play "hard to get". This will either lead to rape or fail. No one waits around playing games. If you don't give them what they want, they will just find it elsewhere, so whore it up.
-Act interesting whatsoever. Nowadays, it isn't about interesting personalities. Bland and predictable is totally in.
-Read. Reading is for nerds. No one likes a nerd. Nerds are often connotated as "unsexy". I thought you wanted to be sexy, not a fucking bookworm. You'd better just stick to television.
-Flirt. People hate flirting because it is like a tease. You have to be upfront. Either you want to have sex or you don't. If you don't want to, kiss your chances of being in a relationship goodbye. If you want a relationship, you need intercourse. End of story.
-Try to act cute. If you try too hard, everyone will know it and you will look like an idiot. Even if you are naturally cute, just don't do it for the sake of looking like you're trying too hard.
-Talk about yourself. At all. Everyone hates this. No one cares about you and you look like a pretentious prick. No one will bother with you. What are you, an idiot? Ask them about their day, blabbermouth!
-Listen to music that no one else does because you will have a hard time relating to anyone. People that don't relate don't even talk. Just listen to popular music to avoid awkwardness. Chances are, you will have something to talk about.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I hope this helps! Good luck in your endeavors and attract that perfect mate!